Thank you for the generous offer to have more legroom (for a fee), but no thanks. Also thanks for the offer for priority boarding (for a fee), but really, I just want to check in for my flight. Also, no, I don’t want to ship my bags via FedEx to my destination (for a fee). Seriously, can I just check in? Please? Wait — now you’re offering me more legroom again (for a fee). I said no to that already. So… still no! Jeez… No wonder travelers are angry all the time.
Okay, finally waded through the process, and now my printable boarding pass comes with ads on it (more legroom, priority boarding, OMG a Visa card — where do I sign up?). Umm, no — I do not want to print the ads on my boarding pass.
Dear United Airlines: I would pay a fee… for you to not bombard me with upsell offers. Where’s the checkbox for that?